Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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