i think my tv is drunk
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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