Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
