So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
