dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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