You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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