yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Randomize
