Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
God, I missed his penis.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
