I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
