I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
