Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
