i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
