I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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