Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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