Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
