between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
