I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
