Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
