Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
