you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
