I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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