How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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