I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
