The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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