He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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