ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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