These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
