just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
