singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
