I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
