mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My legs feel like baby dolphins
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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