you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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