So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize