Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
