Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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