i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
