I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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