I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
