i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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