Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
tell me about the fingering
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