Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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