you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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