u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
