i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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