I just pynch a tree in the face
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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