He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
