There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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