wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
