Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
