ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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