hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
