New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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