The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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