but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
