On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize