I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
