i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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