I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
