My first STD was from a foam party
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
