I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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