I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
