She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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