he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
