Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
