I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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