you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
