just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
