Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
