He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
