how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
