I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
