You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
