My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Shame - the story of my life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
