he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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