I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
