I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
