currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
