mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
