She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
