It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Less talking, more tequila
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
