My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
