I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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